This is.... my own label.

I  once read that our generation is a cluster of contradictions. I actually do agree. We are taught that labeling human being are consider inconsiderate. If that is so, why are we so fixated on labeling relationships?. "Label jars.. not people". We focus so much on the stage of wondering and analyzing where a relationship stands. Is it because some of us are anxious to display that we are now with a significant other? Are we keen on the idea of saying that "I am now off the market?"  or we too antsy to click that keyboard and change our facebook status from "Single" to" In a Relationship", when in reality it is really in "It's Complicated" stage? 

I never did get understand why we, female, dwell on the idea of where a relationship stand. Recently, one of the my listeners on my show "The Naked Truth" sent me a message asking when is it time to ask the guy that she is dating that if they are in fact boyfriend and girlfriend. I am an advocate of having an open communication. Whether it is with a friend or a significant other. It is always substantial that you are comfortable in asking the person that you are with where  a relationships stand and where it is heading. 

Allow me share with you my perspective on labels and relationships. I recall driving home from dinner one time with a guy friend of mine whom I spent  a tremendous amount of time with. Out of the blue, he said, "Soffi, what are we?". I do have to admit, I started to cringe when I heard what he  asked. I looked him in the eye and just laughed and said to him that it was supposed to be my job to ask where we stand in our friendship or relationship. I honestly was not sure what to say. I have never been the one to ask where a relationship stands. I have been in situations where I thought that I was simply hanging out with a man and getting to know him as a friend. When the man actually had it in his mind that we were dating. 

I love to look at situation as "It is what it is". I love the idea of just enjoying what is right in front of me without dwelling on where I stand in a person's life. A label is a label, sure we all love to be called girlfriend or boyfriend. It makes us feel important in some ways. Let's look at it this way, action speaks louder than words. I for once, would much rather feel loved that be told every single day how much he loves me. We all love the mystery and the excitement of not knowing where you stand in someone's life. If a man spends a tremendous amount of time with you. Spends his days calling you or letting you know that he is thinking of you. Making future plans to hang out with you. Letting you into his world. Including you in what is going with his life. Aren't those signs that he wants to be with you or interested in you? 

Why dwell on having a label when it is obvious that you are potentially his plus one? 

I find that once you start  referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, it sometimes causes a lot of pressure. Why put all that pressure on a relationship when you can simply enjoy the moment. Playing a significant role someone's life comes with great responsibilities. Think before you demand a title. Ask yourself if you really are ready to be someone's main squeeze or are you simply demanding a title because  you want to mark your territory. Do you want to be refer to as the girlfriend because of jealousy or does it actually come for the right place?  

Take pleasure in adoring each other. Don't put pressure on a man because you are trying to cure your insecurity.  Women can be a little selfish, I totally understand because I have been there. We tend to worry too much on where a relationship stands rather than allowing a man to take the lead and have him be the one to ask you to be his girlfriend.  There is nothing sweeter than knowing that  a man truly want to be with you rather than urging him to call you his girl. 

This is .... all about the friendships.

They always say that men comes and goes but your true friends will always be there for you. There are what men call "BROMANCE" and to me there will always be my "SISTERHOOD".  As we mature, we realized that it really isn't about the quantity of friends that you have as it is all about the quality. I have a few set of girlfriends that I know I can always rely on. No matter how many relationships I have had, no matter how many heart breaks I go through there will always be there.

It's very typical for us female to lose touch with friends once we settle into a relationship. I remember my days in college, my time was spent with my then boyfriends. Every weekend, it was the boyfriend and I. Then the relationship ended, I did what every other female would normally do. I cut my hair, I moved to a different condo and called my girlfriends.

Relationships are meant to enhance our lives and magnified our happiness. I don't think that it has to be about compromising our individualities and changing our world. I frequently notice that in the beginning of most relationships, its rather exciting and beautiful. Once it gets serious, it becomes about possessiveness and obsessiveness. Women gets obsessed about what their significant others are doing when they are having their nights with their boys. Men starts to be possessive and uses their anger to show their jealousy. Is that really how you treat someone that you supposedly love and care for?  To me, I find that an absolute turn off. If a man tells me how much he adores me and want to be with me, buckle up boy.... I  value my girlfriends and I will not sacrifice my friendship to avoid arguments with you. I can come up with a tremendous amount of rebuttals to prove you that my "Sisterhood" is a sacred relationships that will remain with me until the day that I die.

When my heart was broken when my I know that it was time to let go of my college boyfriend, Cathy was there. When it was time to let go of  Jean, Cathy was there. When every single men I have met brought disappointment  in my life ( expected too much too soon!), I had Michele.. I had Jen.. I had Beth.. I had Tracey.. I had Eva to talk to.

I have learned that you can balance relationships and friendships. No men should ever have to sacrifice his night out with the boys nor should any women have to sacrifice a movie night or a spa day with the ladies. It is healthy to have a life outside your relationship. An ideal relationship, in my opinion should be when a man has his own life, his own friends, his own activities and vice versa. When it's your time together, it is all about you and him. A healthy relationship doesn't consist of jealousy, possessiveness and arguments. Ladies, allow your men to breath. Guys, allow your women to be her self and have time with her friends. When your significant is happy with their own lives, you will have a better relationship.

This is me naked... and my single hood.

"Yeah, I'm Single", saying those words at my age might seem pernicoius 30 years ago. With this generation, I'd like to think it displays not only being comfortable as a woman but also independent  and "know what she wants". In many years of not engaging in a closed relationship, I have gotten to know who I really am. I have learned what really matters to me when it comes to a relationship or significant other.  Spending a long period of time not sharing myself , my space and my life with someone, granted me the privilege for self growth. It allowed me to get to know myself in a much deeper level.

In my previous relationships, I was the insecure woman who was co- dependent.. I was jealous, I was immature, I was afraid to be alone. That was obviously more than 15 years ago. It took many years of trial and error to be aware of all these negative qualities. But when you are so young and clearly have no business being in a relationship, you don't know how to act being in one. It took many heart breaks for to me finally become the person who I wanted to be.

With years of "single hood", not only did it give me time to self nurture but also gave me the time that I needed to be the woman that a man deserve to have. Ladies, if you fly solo.... be proud of it. It is not a reflection of our character.  It is simply a reflection of what we are capable of. Being alone! There is nothing much more attractive than knowing that you are comfortable being independent.  Being alone allows yourself to get to know who you really are. 

I talk from experience, it allowed me to love myself more than I have ever have. I do believe that I am more capable of being a true partner now more than ever. I gave myself the time to nourish and learned to love "me" for all my imperfections and learned to accept the life that I truly want to live. Yes, it does get lonely but I prefer to be alone knowing that when the right person comes, I have more to offer now than I have ever had.

Sophia Dash

Let me strip my soul... bare my emotions... seduce you with my honesty and let you in my opinions. Walk a mile in my shoes and you will know that my wisdom comes from a  plethora of lessons learned from my past.  I can spend all  day striving for perfection but I came to the conclusion that with my flaws, comes self worth. With my past, stems self awareness. Life is never about the destination but the journey. Therefore I take each day as an  opportunity to better myself but to spread the love and goodness that I have to offer in this world. My perspectives in life will never be comparable to a simple girl next door. I am in no way, your ordinary women as I approach things in life as a challenge. I have my flaws and I certainly take pride in my imperfections. Even with my Type A personality, I confidently believe that life is all about pushing the envelope, its all about taking chances in the decisions that we make. Our experiences in life is what makes us rich. Allow me to share my perspective based on what makes me rich....... 

This is me naked.... Sophia.n